HOW TO PROVIDE LOVE JOY AND CONNECTION DURING A PANDEMIC HOLIDAY SEASON

For many people, life as they knew it has been put on hold due to the restrictions we all must adhere to with COVID-19. The days of waiting patiently for life to return to “normal” have passed. In fact, there has been enough time that has passed since the virus hit in early 2020, that we can confidently say, we have developed a new normal. 

At first, this new normal was odd. Anything new is going to be strange to our human brain. We like consistency, predictability, and familiarity. It is what helps us to feel safe and secure, the most basic of our human needs. We are now about to embark on another adventure in experiencing something new --The Holidays. 

This is a time of year that we typically would travel, visit family, go to parties at friends’ homes and restaurants, as well as within our offices. We typically deliver presents to share holiday cheer with others. Perhaps your family spends time in service for organizations or with individuals who need extra help and extra support during this time. While these traditions were part of the bedrock of the holidays, they may not be available to us this year. Although this season will look quite different than years past, we may be able to find some hidden treasures in our new “holiday normal.” 

Here are a few suggestions to help you get through this new “holiday normal” that are based on the science of how our human brain is wired with a sprinkling of strategies that will improve your relationships and boost your resilience. So, in other words, these may be things you choose to add to your life, regardless of whether or not we are in the middle of a pandemic. 

1.  Set the Tone: You set the tone of what this holiday will feel like for your children. They certainly will get messages from your community, their peer group, and the news, however, how you feel and talk about the holiday in your home will have the greatest influence on how they feel. Start by asking yourself, am I already setting myself and my children up for being disappointed? Boost your awareness by noticing how you are talking about the holidays with others, especially when your children are present. When you listen to the things that you say, do you feel uplifted or upset? When your children talk about the holidays do you feel your own body get tense or weak? Although you think your children can not sense this inner state, they can, and it greatly affects how they will feel. You can also use a mindfulness platform like Ninja Focus that can be a great companion for your children to check in on ‘how they are feeling’ and listen to guided tracks from wellness experts.
2. Make a List of Things You Do Not Have to Do: Rather than focus on what has been lost by listing all of the things that you cannot do this holiday season make a list of all of the things that you DO NOT HAVE TO DO because of the pandemic. Having worked with families for over 2 decades, I have found that many of them become overly burdened this time of year because of all of the obligatory things that they must do either personally or professionally. Start this list by titling your paper, “All of the things I do not have to do, and I never enjoyed doing anyway.” After you create that list, how does it feel when you read it? 
3. Focus on What Truly Matters: Without all of those obligations, you now have a lot more time to focus your energy on what truly has meaning to you and your family. Time for another list. What are some things that you wished you could have had more time to enjoy if you were not running all over the place during the holidays? How many times have you purchased gifts for your children, but then not have time to actually play with them? Focus on those things. 
4. Make New Traditions: It is a great opportunity to make some new traditions and get your children involved in it. Whether you are celebrating a specific holiday or simply taking some time off of work because school is closed, now is the time to collectively decide what family or individual things your children would like to explore during this time and perhaps share with you. Plan ahead, and yes, create another list by asking your children about things they are really interested in doing or learning and find creative ways to explore these things together. 
5. Spend Quality Time and Bond As a Family: Last but not least, remember that this is the perfect “storm” for you to actually BE together, as a family to talk and connect. Ask any child psychologist and they will tell you that the best way to raise children to be self-confident, respectful, happy, and secure, is to give them THIS most important present -- YOUR PRESENCE. Simply being side by side, listening to each other without being rushed, speaking honestly about their dreams, fears, desires, challenges, and joys. This is what cultivates a happy home and healthy relationships. 

Remember the most important thing is to spend a few moments each day enjoying the company of your children this holiday season. It can bring your family closer and boost your mood. If you think it helps, include yoga and mindfulness exercises into your daily routine. Ninja Focus is a great resource with short and easy to follow mindfulness exercises and meditations that you can practice as a family with your children. Happy holidays! 

 Allison Morgan is the founder of Zensational Kids, a pediatric occupational therapist, renowned author, public speaker, trainer, and an advisory board member of Ninja Focus.

SIX TIPS FOR COPING WITH COVID AT THE HOLIDAYS

As much as the staff at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital provide amazing treatments helping sick kids they also have to provide counsel to those families they aren't able to get positive outcomes for. Their team of psychologists are experts at helping people address uncertainty, stress and grief. With COVID cases rising as the holiday season approaches, a normally cheerful, social time could this year be isolating and depressing this year due to the pandemic. And if people aren't careful they and their loved ones could be at risk for getting sick with the coronavirus.

So I wanted to pass along some tips from St. Jude Psychology Clinical Director Niki Jurbergs, PhD, along with her colleague Megan Wilkins, PhD, on coping with Covid at the holidays:

1. Perform a mental health check - It is critically important, especially given mounting “pandemic fatigue,” that we attend to our own mental health. We must first take stock of our own mental health and assure we are not trying to “pour from an empty cup.” It is imperative that parents take time for care of themselves, including spending time outside, seeking social support and engaging in relaxing activities. Give yourself grace to feel disappointment and upset about this highly anxious and uncertain time. 
2. Feel empowered to do what feels comfortable – In our work with families of children with cancer, we stress the importance of facing the upcoming holidays feeling empowered to do what feels most comfortable given the risks and restrictions of their child’s diagnosis. This is a time for all of us to take this lesson to heart and work to adjust our expectations and prepare for things to be different this year, and in many cases, difficult as well. It can help to talk about these losses, sharing what we are missing most this holiday season. 
3. Take time to consider what is meaningful to you around the holidays – Take time to consider what is meaningful to you around the holidays. Is it the special recipe for a dish your grandmother used to make? Is it playing games with family members? Watching a game with friends? What parts of these meaningful pieces of the holidays can still happen in a way you feel comfortable with? Rather than looking forward to our typical parties and family meals, we might choose to focus on the gift of health we give when we make the sacrifice of honoring our families’ and loved ones’ health and safety by staying home. 
4.  Make the holidays special from afar - Planning surprises such as cards or gifts delivered in the mail lets your loved ones know you’re with them in spirit, if not in body. Recognizing that many of us are tired of looking at screens, virtual games and activities such as scavenger hunts or singing favorite holiday songs may be more engaging than simply video chatting. Families who remain distanced this season may enjoy developing new traditions, such as trying new recipes or playing new games with those they share a household with that might be incorporated into future holidays when they can safely be together again. Families may choose to reflect on what they are thankful for by coming together to make donations to charities and causes that are meaningful to them. 
5.  Protect your elderly loved ones from loneliness and isolation - In many cases, seniors experience a heightened sense of loss related to pandemic restrictions. These elderly individuals express the feeling that their time is short, and that time is being stolen from them. Some express a willingness to accept the risk of potential virus infection to spend time with family because they are more fearful of dying of old age than they are of dying of COVID-19. Reaching out to those at highest risk for loneliness is more important than ever. Phone calls, video chats, cards, drive-by parades and even socially distanced outdoor visits can help them feel connected and reassure them that you are thinking of them. 
6. For the 250,000 Americans grieving the loss of a loved one from COVID-19, make the decision about the holidays that feels right for you – Celebrating holidays for the first time without a loved one is unspeakably difficult. For these families, not only has this pandemic taken the life of a loved one, the threat remains. That is, not only are they grieving, they are continuing to face the virus and its ongoing impact on a daily basis. These families should not feel obligated to engage in holiday traditions as they have in the past. In fact, it might feel better for some to not celebrate at all this year. Conversely, some families may choose to find special ways to honor and include the memory of their lost loved one. As with all family decisions, this one is highly personal.