CHARLOTTE'S LITTER

Last year my kids participated in a summer program at our local library that included having them read each week to therapy dogs in training to help prepare these animals for interacting with people.  Therapy dogs utilize the special bond that exists between humans and canines to provide affection and comfort to people in disaster areas, hospitals and nursing homes.  Therapy dogs can also be used by people with autism to help them connect with the environment around them.  While working with the therapy dogs seemed like a nice enough project and helped get my kids excited about reading, I truly didn't grasp the impact these companions can have on someone's life until CHARLOTTE'S LITTER reached out to A Geek Daddy to share their story and provide us the two books they've recently published Good Dogs, Great Listeners: The Story of Charlotte, Lily and the Litter and The Dogs of Newton.

Society tells our kids that scary creatures such as the bogeyman lurking under their bed or beasts hiding in the closet are fairy tales and that monsters don't actually exist in our world.  Unfortunately, if you tune into the evening television news broadcast on any given day in any given city it is unmistakable to see that we live in a violent world that truly does have monsters in it.  December 14, 2012 was an average day for the Bacon family as they sent their bubbly and inquisitive 6 year old daughter Charlotte to her Kindergarten class.  A few hours later the family's reality was forever irreversibly altered by the unimaginable horrific news of an attack by a monster.  Charlotte along with 19 other six and seven year old children at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, Connecticut had been murdered by a deranged man who had invaded the building.

Following the tragedy, therapy dogs were brought into the school helping comfort Sandy Hook's grieving children, one of those being Charlotte's older brother, Guy.  Students read to them, petted them and spoke to these dogs providing a calming presence for both children and teachers.  The wonderful influence of these animals inspired Charlotte's mom, JoAnn, and dad, Joel, because their little girl had a passionate love for animals, especially her dog Lily, to do something to create some positivity from this tragedy and keep their daughter's spirit alive through helping others.  The Bacon's created CHARLOTTE'S LITTER to advocate for and support appropriate therapy dog programs in educational settings. 

"We grieve every day for our beautiful, spirited Charlotte, and we'll grieve every day hereafter," JoAnn Bacon communicated to A Geek Daddy. "Our advocacy work and our books are an outlet for our grief.  It brings us closer to our little girl and allows us to honor her.  We also hope that, through it, we can offer resources, help and hope to other families."

CHARLOTTE'S LITTER promotes the use of therapy dogs to aid in both children's literacy, as well as emotional support.  The group provides programs and resources to support parents, educators and dog handlers in maximizing the educational and healing potential of therapy dogs. In addition to the services provided by CHARLOTTE'S LITTER, two books have been published to provide information about the wonders of therapy dogs:  Good Dogs, Great Listeners: The Story of Charlotte, Lily and the Litter and The Dogs of Newton.

Good Dogs, Great Listeners: The Story of Charlotte, Lily and the Litter was written with the help of award-winning author Renata Bowers is a children's book based upon Charlotte Bacon's actual life and adventures with true-to-life illustrations by Michael Chesworth.  The book doesn't reflect upon Charlotte's tragic death but rather honors her life through providing a touching message to its readers.  It focuses on a little girl's curiosity and lively imagination which leads her to have some fun adventures with her faithful companion, a dog named Lily, and a faithful litter of stuffed animals but also gets them into a bit of trouble sometimes too.

One day while Charlotte was practicing Tae Kwon Do and jumping around on the her bed with Lily, the dog accidentally fell to the ground and wouldn't get up off the floor.  The family rushes Lily to the veterinarian to discover the dog has broken her leg.  She'd be alright but needed to be immobilized for awhile to heal up.

While the dog is healing and can't play, Charlotte reads to Lily every day.  Through this experience Charlotte discovers a love for reading to and alongside her most beloved companions.  Even after Lily healed up, Charlotte continued to always make time to read almost every day to the dog and the litter of stuffed animals that always accompanied the two of them on their adventures.

With its great illustrations and entertaining story about friendship and kindness that also provides a nice educational message about the value of reading, I've enjoyed sharing this book with my own children.  As early readers themselves, my kids have appreciated that in addition to dad reading it to them as a bed time story the book is also written at a level that they can read through on their own.  My seven year old twins also appreciate the book revolves around a girl who is about the same age as themselves and shares their vivid imaginations and love of animals.  To show children that the book is about a real life girl and her pet, the inside cover includes a hand print and paw print from Charlotte and Lily so that they can continue to leave a mark on the world through the publication of this book.  I found that to be a very emotional tribute to a girl who dreamed of growing up and getting a job like being a veterinarian where she could help others.  While Charlotte sadly won't have the opportunity to grow up beyond the little girl portrayed in this story hopefully this book will fulfill her dream of her life contributing to help others.

CHARLOTTE'S LITTER has also published a book written by Charlotte's brother Guy titled The Dogs of Newton.  In the book, Guy Bacon introduces its readers to the therapy dogs that visited and helped him along with the students, teachers, families, and community of Newton cope with the lives lost at Sandy Hook.  The Dogs of Newton provides an overview of the unique personalities and attributes of each of these therapy dogs and discusses the impact each of these animals had on the lives of the people they interacted with.

The other day our family had one of those days where my kids were fighting among themselves and screwing around all morning causing me to loose my temper yelling at them as we rushed out the door trying to get to school on time.  As I drove them to their school which is a few miles from our house, which is an everyday routine of mine before heading to work, Charlotte and her classmates at Sandy Hook Elementary School came to mind.  I thought how horrible it must be to have seen your kids head off to school and that being your last interaction ever with them wondering if anyone had been scolding or arguing with their child in those last moments.  So I parked the car a few blocks away from school and we walked the rest of the way talking about their plans for the day ranging from who they were going to eat lunch with to them practicing a song for their upcoming music class.  We left each other at the entrance to school with all three of us having big smiles on our face.  Both of my kids went into the building than came rushing back out to give me a big hug before going back into class for the rest of the day.  Then I took a detour on my way to work stopping by our local library to see if they were going to be doing the therapy dog reading program again this summer.  Sign us up I said!

For more information on these books, please visit www.gooddogsgreatlisteners.com.

Yes Virginia, there is such a thing as Monsters

The last few nights we’ve been struggling with a little boy who hasn’t want to go to bed because he’s afraid there are monsters in his closet.  We’ve been explaining to him that monsters are just fun creatures made up in stories like Elmo and Telly in Sesame Street or Henry in Disney’s new Henry Hugglemonster.  Our hope had been that he’d associate monsters with fuzzy funny characters that he might dream about versus creepy crawlies that would give him nightmares  making it easier for us to get him to let us turn his bedroom light off and allow everyone in the family to get back to getting a good night’s rest.  Then as we were in the middle of the “monster in the closet” problem with our son the Boston Marathon bombing occurred.  The horrific incident that occurred on April 15^th in Boston made me think that while it was important for me to have my son understand that while the “Where the Wild Things Are” type monsters are fantasy creations that he also beware that our world is filled with some very real “monsters”.

In one of the most famous newspaper editorials of all time, Francis Pharcellus Church tells 8 year old Virginia O’Hanlon in the September 21, 1897 edition ofthe New York Sun that “Yes Virginia , there is a Santa Claus.  He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist …. “   Unfortunately, in that same context I have to say that there are monsters and they are very real.  They may not have horns, or fangs, or claws and may look just look like an average person like you or I look in the mirror, but as long as there are people who are willing to inflict harm or kill others without remorse than monsters truly exist in our world.

I remember as a child myself how our community was filled with terror as parents warned us never to talk to strangers and stay close to home as the Oakland County Child Killer abducted, molested and murdered four children during a 13 month period.   The other big danger of my youth, that looking back appears to be more of an urban myth than a reality, but lead to real hysteria in the town I grew up in was the fear of monsters putting razor blades and other metal objects in Halloween candy.  I remember anxiously standing in long lines waiting for the police to x-ray and run my trick-or-treat candy through a metal detector before I could dig into it.  Looking at that now not very sure how safe eating that irradiated candy might have been but I’m glad my parents cared enough to want to safeguard me by going through the effort.  These were terrible things for parents to have to safeguard their children from but at least there were reasonable precautions that could be taken that could give responsible families reasonable assurances of safety.

As a parent now, I look at the horrific tragedies that have occurred in just the last few months: 12 people killed & 58 injured in a movie theater shooting near Denver; a mass murder at an elementary school in Connecticut that killed 20 kindergarteners and six teachers; 3 killed and more than a hundred people wounded at the Boston Marathon.  How do you educate your children that while there aren’t monsters lurking in their closet they could very well be lurking in your neighborhood without scaring the hell out of them to the point they never want to leave your house again? 

 In this post 911 world we live in  an era that there are dangers that are out of our control to avoid, but what is under our control is whether or not we continue to live our lives as we wish or shelter ourselves away in fear.  Also it is important to remember that despite all the attention horrible crimes receive it is still far more likely that your family will be victimized by a pedophile or drunk driver than a terrorist or mass murderer.  So my goal as a parent is to make sure that my kids live the life they want to lead by making sure they understand there are “monsters” among us and you need not be afraid but you do need to be vigilant all the time to possible dangers.  It appears that the steps that my parents took to protect me are still the right actions in today’s era: promote an understanding of “stranger danger”, make sure your child respects their body not allowing “bad touching”, and that you are actively involved with your child keeping tabs on where they are and what they are up to.

According to the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), the best way parents can protect their children is to teach them to be wary of potentially dangerous situations so they are prepared to deal with strangers as well as known adults who may not have good intentions.  What else can a parent do, here are a few more tips from the NCPC:

·         Know where your children are at all times. Make it a rule that your children must ask permission or check in with you before going anywhere. Give your children your work and cell phone numbers so they can reach you at all times.

·         Point out safe places. Show your children safe places to play, safe roads and paths to take, and safe places to go if there’s trouble.

·         Teach children to trust their instincts. Explain that if they ever feel scared or uncomfortable, they should get away as fast as they can and tell an adult. Tell them that sometimes adults they know may make them feel uncomfortable, and they should still get away as fast as possible and tell another adult what happened. Reassure children that you will help them when they need it.

·         Teach your children to be assertive. Make sure they know that it’s okay to say no to an adult and to run away from adults in dangerous situations.

·         Encourage your children to play with others. There’s safety in numbers!

For more tips and information from the NCPC on helping your children be prepared for dangerous situations and emergencies visit, www.ncpc.org/topics

 Also keep mind that news coverage of traumatic events like the Boston Marathon Bombing can cause distress to children and impact them as if they were a part of the tragedy.  The DART CENTER FOR JOURNALISM& TRAUMA has researched the topic and found that children are attentive to media coverage of mass tragedies and the negative impact that results from this viewing consumption is a vital public health concern.

The New York City Health Department has issued a warning that repeated viewing of media reports of traumatic events can upset and negatively impact children.  They have provided a chart on how media reports are seen through the eyes of children:

Ages 6 & Younger

• Believe what they are seeing is happening LIVE while they are watching it;
• They believe the traumatic event is happening over and over again when they see repeated images of it;
• Find images of people suffering, crying or being attacked very upsetting

Ages 7 – 10

• Understand news is made up of reports of things that have already happened;
• Find disturbing media images upsetting;
• May become anxious for their own and their family’s safety

Age 13 & Older

• Can be scared and horrified as the same things as younger children;
• They can become deeply worried and anxious about their own safety and that of their family;
• They want to know why the bad things they see on TV are happening

Obviously depending on a child’s age exposure to media coverage of violent events should be limited.  If they are watching this type of media than watch it together with them and explain what is happening.  Here are a few tips to keep in mind from the New York Health Department:

• Make sure they understand that while the images may be shown repeatedly, what they are seeing only happened once.
• Tell them only as much as they really are mature enough for in a way they can understand.
•  Answer their questions and correct any misunderstandings about the event being show on the news. 
• Be aware of their fears and assure them that they are safe.
• Explain to them that the news is often about bad things, but most people are good.

I also found some great tips online from psychologists at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas:

• Limit media coverage: It is important that children are not unnecessarily exposed to media coverage of these events. There is nothing to be gained from letting a child watch news coverage of the aftermath of the shootings. Older children may be interested and it may be appropriate to allow them some exposure; however, parents should watch with their children to be ready for questions and discussion. Younger children should not have any exposure to media coverage of these events. Naturally, even young children may gain information through peers or a chance exposure to TV news, so parents must be aware of this and be ready to help the children process this information. 

• Be calm: Adults must model a sense of calm and reassurance for children, monitoring their own reaction, anxiety and outrage about the shooting.

• Reassure them: Some children may need more ongoing reassurance about their safety. It can be helpful for parents to point out steps that are being taken to help ensure a child's safety at school.

• Answer their questions: As questions arise, tell children the truth in a developmentally appropriate manner. Answer only the specific questions the child asked in a factual manner. It is critical not to speculate or  overwhelm the child with more information than they are seeking. It is equally important that parents not close discussion of the topic — letting children ask questions and express their anxieties can help them cope.  

• Accept their reactions: Do not dictate a reaction to a child or dismiss his reaction. Children should be told that feelings of uncertainty, fear or anxiety are normal reactions to events like this. Don’t necessarily expect children to open up and give their feelings on demand; rather, be cognizant of signs and symptoms of anxiety and stress so that they are prepared to let their children express their feelings according to the child's timeline.

• Maintain normal routines: Maintain a sense of normalcy at home and at school by staying with normal routines for meals, homework and bed time. Understand that children struggling with anxiety and stress may have difficulty completing schoolwork or have difficulty falling asleep at night. At the same time, it’s important not to be overly rigid about the routines; rather, try to maintain the normal schedule to provide children with a sense of predictability and security.

• Watch for vulnerability: Some children are by nature more vulnerable to periods of stress and anxiety. Parents and teachers must be aware of children who may be more vulnerable. Children who have experienced a previous traumatic event, personal loss, significant life change, or who experienced mental illness are particularly at risk for having trouble coping with such an event. Similarly, children who don’t have a strong support system – network of friends and family – may be more vulnerable and in greater need of support.

• Be there: Parents should be very available to their children following this event. Not only will this reassure the child, but it also gives parents a good opportunity to monitor the child's stress level, anxiety and reaction. This is a good time to increase family time and to model a calm, reassuring and in-charge presence for children.

• Warning signs: Parents should be aware of warning signs of high anxiety and fear. These might include persistent worry about their own safety or the safety of loved ones, problems falling asleep or other sleep disturbances such as nightmares, withdrawal from family and friends, excessive clinginess and dependence, irritability, sadness, or decreased activity, preoccupation with the recent shootings or ideas of death and violence, agitated behavior or new behavioral problems and nonspecific physical complaints. Do not hesitate to contact a pediatrician or mental health professional if you have concerns. 

• It can be empowering for children to have activities to focus their energies on during times of heightened anxieties. Consider involving children in prayer groups, church activitie, or volunteer work for community agencies that assist victims of crime or traumatic events. Younger children can be encouraged to draw pictures or write cards in support of victims of the shootings or other violent crimes and traumatic events. This is also a good time to rehearse and reinforce vigilance and child safety practices as well as home security measures. 

As parents these are difficult topics and challenges for us to address, but the safety and wellbeing of our kids is our most important responsibility.  If you have any tips on talking with your kids about monsters and taking precautions as a parent to protect your children please share them with us in the comment section.  Good luck and God Bless to everyone dealing with this subject in their homes!